I first met Dick down the Dirty Duck
Didn't I, Dick?
Yeah.
Two musicians down on our luck
Wasn't we, Dick?
Yeah.
We both sat down and had a drink of beer
Then he come up with a great idea
We'd play in the street for the world to hear
Didn't you, Dick?
Yeah.
We soon became the best of chums
Didn't we, Dick?
Yeah.
I'd play the piccolo, he'd play the drums
Didn't you, Dick?
Yeah.
But that sounded daft so we knocked it on the 'ead
And we formed a one-man band instead
The two of us, just me and Ted
Didn't we Ted?
Yeah.
I go bang, he goes clang,
I go squeak and he goes twang.
I go bump, he goes thump,
I go crash and he goes crump,
I go whizz, he goes ting,
I go bonk and he goes ping
We're renowned throughout the land
We're the only two-man-one-man-band.
The barmaid's nice at the Dirty Duck
Isn't she, Dick?
Yeah.
She gave us a kiss and wished us luck
Didn't she, Dick?
Yeah.
She said, as I'm always telling you, son,
Two at a time is better than one
Twice the man-power, twice the fun,
Didn't she, Dick?
Not 'alf!
I go bang, he goes clang,
I go squeak and he goes twang.
I go bump, he goes thump,
I go crash and he goes crump,
I go whizz, he goes ting,
I go bonk and he goes ping
We're renowned throughout the land
We're the only two-man-one-man-band.
I go (F/X) he goes (F/X)
I go (F/X) and he goes (F/X)
He sometimes (F/X) when we should go boom
When he goes (F/X) I leave the room
I go (F/X) he goes (F/X)
I go (F/X) and he goes (F/X)
We're renowned throughout the land
We're the only two-man-one-man-band.