People don't want clowns no more
We seem to be out of fashion now
We seem to have lost our dash somehow
We seem to have lost our clout.
People don't think we're funny no more
Comedy seems to have passed us by
Just moved on, don’t ask us why
And left us down and out.
But I remember the day when everyone loved a clown
I remember the day wherever the circus came to town
All the kids in the neighbourhood ran after you down the street
Everyone's next-door neighbour would
Bang on the wall as hard as they could
"They're here! They're here!
Come out and give 'em a cheer!"
And the elephants hooking each other's tails
Came lumbering through the crowd
Pulling the cages that held the lions.
And the Liberty horses trotting round
And men with stilts and the acrobats
Came tumbling through the town
And behind them all, to tremendous cheers,
The hero of the day appears,
The clown! The clown!
Everyone loves the clown.
People don't want clowns no more
The things we do don't make them laugh
Comical car that falls in half
No longer stops the show.
People don't go for our gags no more
Slippery planks and the bucket of paste
It's sheer hard graft just gone to waste
And nobody wants to know.
But I remember the day when clowns were the only thing
I remember the day whenever we entered the circus ring
A joyful sound, that magical roar would surge up from the crowd
And, as each pratfall shook the floor,
And little Joey came back for more
The laughs were loud, the laughs were long and loud.
And the flourbags bursting all over the place
And the custard pies that flew
And the soda-syphon full in the face
The baggy trousers filled with glue
Jock on his square-wheeled bicycle
And Jimbo's gigantic ears
And the final chase round the edge of the ring
And you feel no pain, and the only thing
Are the cheers. The Cheers.
You never forget the cheers.
People don't want clowns no more
I tend to blame the telly meself
That's what's put us on the shelf
That's what did us in.
It's too sophisticated now
There's entertainment around the clock
Breakfast TV to late-night rock
It's one long bleedin' din.
Too many of us at it now, The Goodies started the rot
Now everyone's joined the gravy train, the competition's far too hot
There's Little & Large, and Morecombe & Wise, and Cannon & Ball and all,
The fat one and the little one whose names I can't recall.
Come on, Jacko. We can't sit here,
Two more shows tomorrow night
Two more chances to get it right
Providing family fun.
Let's get moving, there's a dear
It's half past twelve and I'm soaking wet
We've got to muck out the elephants yet
Come, or we'll never get done.